Well, it’s that time of year again – cooler weather, celebration, and that feeling of dread that so many of us feel when faced with big holiday gatherings full of social pressure and off-limit foods at every turn.

With Thanksgiving coming up here in the U.S., I had thought to invite my immediate family over, knowing I’d be able to have control over the menu and its ingredients.  But, instead, my husband and I will be joining the extended family.  Don’t get me wrong – it will be good.  But, because I’m not sure if it will be good for me, I have back-up plans.

I thought I’d share them, along with other ideas for having an amazingly filling holiday that honors your food constraints and choices.

Host Dinner Yourself

This gives you the benefit of a clean kitchen (meaning uncontaminated by things you can’t eat), safe and healthy ingredients, and leeway to suggest appropriate side dishes to your guests.

Help Plan the Menu

If you aren’t going to host the meal yourself, volunteer to help the host plan the meal so that it accommodates everyone’s tastes and needs.  If the host does not want help with planning, at least talk with them about your food concerns ahead of time to a) see if there’s anything they might do to support you (and vice versa), and b) so that you can come to the meal prepared if accommodation isn’t possible.  It’s no fun for anyone if you show up and realize there’s nothing you can eat – do what you can to join in the meal.

Whether hosting or helping, look for hard-to-resist dishes and share the recipes with other guests

1. See if your local community garden, food co-op, or GF support group is offering holiday meal classes and/or fixings.  Invite others who will be preparing food for your shared meal or use a GF menu as an example of what you could have.  Here’s an example menu from my local community garden highlighting local and seasonal fare:

• Pecan crusted pork loin stuffed with date compote
• Roasted butternut squash with cider glaze
• Garlic rosemary mashed potatoes
• Green bean saute with shallot and hazelnut
• Port poached pears with chocolate

2. Find recipes for typical, familiar dishes that just happen not to use ingredients you can’t have.

3. Find recipes that are not quite the same, but close enough for others to be comfortable with them.  For example:

• Pumpkin flan – no crust, use coconut or almond milk instead of cow’s milk
• Roasted yams with garlic and fried sage
• Gluten-free corn bread or a gluten-free bread of your own making

Volunteer to Bring a Hearty Dish

As the member of my family with gluten and dairy constraints, I often volunteer to bring a side dish I know I can eat, that is also filling and delicious.  My favorite is a wild rice pilaf with onions, garlic, celery, fresh cranberries, and pecans.  I make it differently every time – adding different spices or fruit (like apples).  I don’t have a recipe that I follow, but there are a number online that will do the trick.

Cook a Turkey Anyway

Turkey is readily available right now.  Why not take advantage of a sale and cook one up anyway? You’ll have plenty of leftovers that you can use for soup, casserole, lunches, stock, and other dishes afterwards.  And they freeze well.

Fantastic turkey does not have to be difficult.  It just takes a little patience and preparation.  The best turkeys, in my opinion, are ones that have been thawed and brined, salted or marinated at least a day before you plan to cook them. This gives the meat plenty of time to absorb flavor. Find a recipe – Bon Appetit has a number of them online, prep your turkey about 18-24 hours before you plan to cook it, and make room in your fridge until you are ready to cook it.

Come Prepared

Nosh a little bit before you go so that you are not starving.  Take a little of your own turkey as backup so you have the same food as everyone else, but you know what’s in it.  Bring that side dish.  Know your limits and ask questions.  Be ready to gently explain why you are not eating Aunt Mildred’s creamed corn with bread crumb topping or the home made rolls someone brought.

Remember to Have Fun

Holidays are stressful enough.  Knowing that you can’t or don’t want to eat certain things makes it all the more difficult.  So, just do what you can to prepare and relax.